If there were only more hours in a day… If I only made a little more money… If I had the tools, and skills I would… “If ‘wishes’ and ‘buts’ were candies and nuts we’d all have a merry Christmas.”

I am a scatter-brained individual. Sometimes, I think that my life would be better if only I had more discipline, motivation, and dedication. I think, “What if I woke up early and meditated and exercised every morning?” or “What if I tried more, pushed harder, and did more?” But on the other hand, I’ve come to know that all of these ideas give me too much credit. It’s like I think the only thing that is missing from life and the world is more ME. More of MY STRENGTH and more of MY INTELLIGENCE, which is a little arrogant, don’t you think? What do I have that proves that if there was more Amanda in the world, it would be better for me or anyone around me? I’m forgetful, ignorant, lazy, and a myriad of other less-than-beneficial traits. Everything good that has happened in my life has not come from my own strength alone.

Solomon said it best, “The race doesn’t always go to the swift; nor the battle to the strong, nor the bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all.” Ecclesiastes 9:11

There is only so much I can do with my own power, and even when I’m firing-on-all-cylinders, and “doing the most,” I still can’t expect everything to be received well or things to turn out right. There is only so much I can expect to come from my own efforts. Life isn’t an exact science. It isn’t a mathematical equation like: time + talent + effort = success. You may have talent and desire in a certain area, but if it isn’t meant to be, it will not happen, even with all your efforts.

I think it is important to find joy in where you are now and not get caught up in the “someday…” of it all. In other words, if this is all there is, or if this is as good as it gets, what am I doing with it? Am I enjoying the silver lining of this existence cloud or am I focusing on the rain?

I’ve noticed that I tend to focus on what is to come, and I ignore what is right in front of me. Someday all the home-improvement projects I’ve been working on in the house will be done, and I’ll look up from the paint and spackle only to see that my kids have moved out and started their lives. It leads me to ask myself, “am I spending my daily life on what really matters to me?… what does really matter to me?… And, what does that mean for what I do on the daily?”

Let’s start with the first thought that brought all this up: what would I do with more hours in the day? I think I’d cook home-cooked meals for my family more often, maybe read more, and definitely write more. If I listened to my logical brain (and not my selfish habits), I would prioritize these things over numbing myself with podcasts and reels. Not to say that entertainment is a complete waste of time. There can be beauty and pleasure in indulging, but I know that taking the time to spoil myself with something that is good for my soul is better than distraction. 

Next, what would I do if I had more money? I would pay off debt, that’s for sure. I would invest it in people and ideas that I believe in. I would spend more money locally on quality items and less on quick-fixes. So maybe I could do that with the money I already have. I could be intentional with my few dollars and cents.

What would I do if I had all the tools, and skills? I would invest the time to make my life easier and more beautiful. I would show my kids what creativity is and what it looks like. I would include them in the satisfaction of completed projects.

What really matters to me? That’s a pretty easy question to answer for me. Socrates said “An unexamined life isn’t worth living,” and this question is at the heart of life, so I’ve wrestled with it for a long time. I know that love really matters to me. Connection really matters to me. Creativity really matters to me. Truth really matters to me, and authenticity really matters to me. 

So, this is what I want to be my priority every day:

1 – Love of God and others: meaning, honest connection to God and the people around me, sans distraction.

2 – Put my money where my mouth is. I want to spend money locally on what I want to see more of like mom-and-pop shops, local stores and restaurants, less big box stores and chains.

3 – Creativity intellectually and physically: everyday I want to use the tools and skills I have now to make my little corner of the world a better place.

4 – Authenticity. I want to live out what’s going on inside. I don’t want to be false or copied, and I don’t want to stretch to the point of snapping. My sister used to tell me “you don’t gotta lie to kick it.” Inauthentic people are easy to spot; they’re eager and put forth a lot of effort, oftentimes spinning their wheels. Striving is an artificial, self-righteous, over-compensation; it is forced and won’t last long. Authenticity, however, is consciously aligning your actions with your heart– it’s finding out what really matters to you and proving it every day by doing it– no matter the outcome. Authenticity is peaceful and leads to more sustainable progress than fake-it-’till-you-make-it strife.

“The good person, out of the good treasure of his heart, produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart, his mouth speaks.” Luke 6:45

This may seem like a silly metaphor, but here I go anyway. As a natural-born packrat, I’ve been working on having less for years because I believe it’s good for me – it makes my life easier, and my environment more conducive to creativity, fun, and relaxation. My favorite show in my 20’s was “Clean House.” They would sell off guest’s belongings in a yard sale then use the money they earned to give their house a makeover. It was a great show that was fun to watch and inspired me to have less, only keep what I needed, and not collect too much.

Was I good at implementing what I learned and believed to be true right away? NOPE! Was I even “living authentically” and thinking about how I was living out the belief that I had? Nope. But, slowly my actions changed. I started to implement little things like always having what I call an “outbox,” next to the door that is headed for the local thrift store. I started to take a before-picture of a cluttered cabinet or drawer. Then I would throw out old stuff or put items in the “outbox,” reorganize it, and take an after-picture. This was really satisfying. If I had trouble letting go of something because of its monetary value, I’d put it up for sale (to varying degrees of success). Every time I would leave a room, I’d take a look around and ask, “is there something in here that doesn’t belong: a glass that could go to the dishwasher: a pair of shoes that could be tossed in a closet or shoe cubby?” If there was I would grab it. By doing this, I stopped collecting unnecessarily. I started to know better what I had because it now lived in its home. Therefore, very slowly, I started living out what I believed to be true, even though it seemed like the “juice wasn’t worth the squeeze,” and I wasn’t making any progress. Even with all that change on a daily basis, I still saw stuff everywhere! While on one hand, I didn’t see change, on the other hand, I knew I was changing my perspective and behavior to match what I knew to be true.

This year (15-20 years later), after Christmas, I put away the Christmas decorations, and moved the furniture back. I took a deep breath and looked around. There was less stuff around this year than there was last year. I finally noticed a difference. I got stuff for Christmas, but a lot of it was replacing broken or imperfect items that I could swap out instead of add to my collection of stuff. I’m still no minimalist. But 20 years’ worth of having an idea in my head and learning how to prove it with my actions, and not give up even when it seemed useless, slowly lead to my success. It was living authentically and taking my own advice that lead to my success. For 15 years I didn’t see it working. And then, one day, after 20-some years, I realized that it seemed to be working. Living like my idea was true was starting to have an effect.

So now I want to figure out what matters to me and live like it does, even if I don’t see the end result for 10, 20, 30 years or EVER. I want to do it without worrying about the consequences because if we’re honest with ourselves, we know “the race doesn’t always go to the swift,” but if we “run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing out eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith (Paul, Hebrews 12),” we will make progress in the small things and the big things. This life is a marathon and not a sprint. So let’s live everyday like we believe our own advice even if it doesn’t always have a pretty trophy when we want it to.