This question is often asked at the end of someone’s life. Death can inspire someone to think about their entire life’s culminating narrative. What an intimidating thought! “Beloved daughter, sister, friend. Cherished wife and mother.” Gone. I know that is, in short, how I’ll be remembered overall. The summation of life’s events will look favorably on my existence (praise God). I’ve had the opportunity to love greatly, make foolish mistakes, and allow God’s grace and mercy to fill my heart and encourage my life.

But something that I find much more interesting is the small deaths we have throughout our lives: the Uber driver we never see again, the former coworker we don’t stay in touch with, the next-door neighbor we had in college.  In so many ways, we’re dead to them. How do you want those people to remember you?

I remember meeting some kids who lived down the street (at least part-time).  They were a little younger than my kids and staying with their grandparents while their parents were incarcerated. These kids were dealt a tough hand, to say the least.  The little boy would toddle down to our house and ask to play with my kiddos, often without pants or shoes.  I told him if he wanted to play, he’d have to wear clothes.  He’d run home, put on clothes (often backwards and inside out), and come back.  Then my kiddos would play with him.  Sometimes, his sister would join them. I would bring them snacks like juice-popsicles, carrots, and apple slices in an effort to help get some “healthy” food into their life. I hope that someday those kids can look back on their lives and remember the nice mom down the street who was stable. I want to be remembered as an example of kindness and responsibility for them.  There were rules at my house but there was also fun and kindness. It was important to me to be remembered well by these kids, even if only in my head.  This is something social media had helped me with to be honest.  Occasionally, I’ll get a friend request from someone I haven’t seen in a while and think “how do they remember me?” Then, I’ll look through my current posts and pictures comparing the 2 versions of me in my mind: the one they knew back then, and the one I am now. I’ll contemplate my integrity, striving to integrate all the pieces of me. Am I holding myself to the same standard when alone, with my family, with my friends, at work, etc.? Are you?